Best Band Names Ever and The Bands' Ability To Live Up To The High Expectations That The Band Name Sets: An Exercise In Brevity

I'm experiencing serious blowback from the longer article I wrote today (see two posts below), so I'm indulging in some more digestible fare for everyone's sake. If I wanna write about strictly music or strictly food, I can use words that normally pertain to the excluded topic which will make my post seem in keeping with the theme of this blog.

See, this post is only about music, but because I used the words "fare" and "digestible", it reminds everyone that this website is about music AND food, if only superficially. I apologize for wasting everyone's time just now. BTW - if my blog was about religion and cigars, you can rest assured that you would see the phrase "holy smoke" pop up a maddening number of times. I'm not here to hurt myself.

Too often, music critics and enthusiasts get bogged down in the "substance" and "meaning" of things without spending enough time admiring the superficial qualities or "prettiness". And I don't mean the appearance of the band, as that can often lead to inane discussions about the representation and conveyance of their work. I mean their name. And how it looks on the cover of an album, in a really cool font. How the Justice's name is infinitely cooler because they spell "Justice" with a cross for the "t". Or how Tokyo Police Club sounds like the organization that Harrison Ford should have belonged to in Blade Runner. Nothing not awesome about that!

Without any further tardiness, I give to you the definitive list of Most Awesome Band Names Ever, in descending order of greatness.

Operation Ivy
The Soviettes
The Apples in Stereo
The Clash
LCD Soundsystem
Tokyo Police Club
Dropkick Murphys
Bouncing Souls
The Replacements
Rilo Kiley
Guided By Voices
Dance Hall Crashers
Method Man
The Pixies
Tegan and Sara
Wu-Tang Clan
Jurassic 5


But that only tells half the superficial story. Once a band picks out a killer name, the gauntlet is thrown down. With the weapon in hand (awesome band name, btw), what can they do with it? Can they live up to the name and the expectations it creates? Most of the time, no. Too often, good bands names are squandered by shitty bands that retroactively ruin the coolness of the name, forcing me to strike it down from the above list. Penn giveth and Penn taketh away. Just ask Widespread Panic. So here are the bands again, this time in descending order of their ability to live up to the cool name that they chose.

The Clash
Operation Ivy
The Replacements
The Pixies
Dropkick Murphys
The Apples in Stereo
The Soviettes
Bouncing Souls
Method Man
Tegan and Sara
LCD Soundsystem
Guided By Voices
Dance Hall Crashers
Rilo Kiley
Jurassic 5
Wu-Tang Clan
Tokyo Police Club

Tokyo Police Club takes the biggest hit in this whole affair cause you expect them to look like this: But they really look like this:

While unable to live up to the awesomeness due to their whiteness and Canuckery, they still kind of rock.

On a final note, you can name your band after yourself (and your sister) if you are lucky enough to be blessed with the most amazing name in the history of the world, Tegan Quin and, you and your twin sister are both lesbians.


So if you fit those criteria, go nuts.