I saw this topic on an A.V. Club Message Board and figured I could take a stab at it.
Here we go:
"Dear Mama" by 2Pac Shakur
"Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something (this is actually just a horrible song to accompany anything, but it has a particularly heinous effect on my libido)
"You've Got a Friend in Me" by Randy Newman (off of the Toy Story Soundtrack. However "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" by Elton John for The Lion King is one of the absolute best songs to get a lapdance to. Weird.)
"Brick" by Ben Folds Five
"The Monorail Song" from The Simpsons
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" by Authors Unknown
"Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.
"Time of Your Life (Good Riddance)" by Green Day
"Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls (off the City of Angels Soundtrack)
"Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton
"Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin
"Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones
"Witch Doctor" by Alvin and the Chipmunks
"Candle in the Wind '97" by Elton John
"We Didn't Start the Fire" by William Joel
"Buffalo Soldier" by Bob Marley
"That's What Friends Are For" by Dionne Warwick and Friends
"What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes
"The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by The Tokens
"O-o-h Child" by The Five Stairsteps
"La Bamba" by Richie Valens
"Streets of Philadelphia" by Bruce Srpingsteen
"Fire and Rain" by James Taylor
"End of the Road" by Boyz II Men
"All My Life" by KC and Jojo
"Under Pressure" by Queen with David Bowie
"Runaway Train" by Soul Asylum
"Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" by They Might Be Giants
"Just a Bill" from Schoolhouse Rock
"Cars" by Gary Numan
"Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera
Please add additional suggestions in the comments section.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Best Band Names Ever and The Bands' Ability To Live Up To The High Expectations That The Band Name Sets: An Exercise In Brevity
I'm experiencing serious blowback from the longer article I wrote today (see two posts below), so I'm indulging in some more digestible fare for everyone's sake. If I wanna write about strictly music or strictly food, I can use words that normally pertain to the excluded topic which will make my post seem in keeping with the theme of this blog.
See, this post is only about music, but because I used the words "fare" and "digestible", it reminds everyone that this website is about music AND food, if only superficially. I apologize for wasting everyone's time just now. BTW - if my blog was about religion and cigars, you can rest assured that you would see the phrase "holy smoke" pop up a maddening number of times. I'm not here to hurt myself.
Too often, music critics and enthusiasts get bogged down in the "substance" and "meaning" of things without spending enough time admiring the superficial qualities or "prettiness". And I don't mean the appearance of the band, as that can often lead to inane discussions about the representation and conveyance of their work. I mean their name. And how it looks on the cover of an album, in a really cool font. How the Justice's name is infinitely cooler because they spell "Justice" with a cross for the "t". Or how Tokyo Police Club sounds like the organization that Harrison Ford should have belonged to in Blade Runner. Nothing not awesome about that!
Without any further tardiness, I give to you the definitive list of Most Awesome Band Names Ever, in descending order of greatness.
Operation Ivy
The Soviettes
The Apples in Stereo
The Clash
LCD Soundsystem
Tokyo Police Club
Dropkick Murphys
Bouncing Souls
The Replacements
Rilo Kiley
Guided By Voices
Dance Hall Crashers
Method Man
The Pixies
Tegan and Sara
Wu-Tang Clan
Jurassic 5
But that only tells half the superficial story. Once a band picks out a killer name, the gauntlet is thrown down. With the weapon in hand (awesome band name, btw), what can they do with it? Can they live up to the name and the expectations it creates? Most of the time, no. Too often, good bands names are squandered by shitty bands that retroactively ruin the coolness of the name, forcing me to strike it down from the above list. Penn giveth and Penn taketh away. Just ask Widespread Panic. So here are the bands again, this time in descending order of their ability to live up to the cool name that they chose.
The Clash
Operation Ivy
The Replacements
The Pixies
Dropkick Murphys
The Apples in Stereo
The Soviettes
Bouncing Souls
Method Man
Tegan and Sara
LCD Soundsystem
Guided By Voices
Dance Hall Crashers
Rilo Kiley
Jurassic 5
Wu-Tang Clan
Tokyo Police Club
Tokyo Police Club takes the biggest hit in this whole affair cause you expect them to look like this:
But they really look like this:
While unable to live up to the awesomeness due to their whiteness and Canuckery, they still kind of rock.
On a final note, you can name your band after yourself (and your sister) if you are lucky enough to be blessed with the most amazing name in the history of the world, Tegan Quin and, you and your twin sister are both lesbians.
So if you fit those criteria, go nuts.
See, this post is only about music, but because I used the words "fare" and "digestible", it reminds everyone that this website is about music AND food, if only superficially. I apologize for wasting everyone's time just now. BTW - if my blog was about religion and cigars, you can rest assured that you would see the phrase "holy smoke" pop up a maddening number of times. I'm not here to hurt myself.
Too often, music critics and enthusiasts get bogged down in the "substance" and "meaning" of things without spending enough time admiring the superficial qualities or "prettiness". And I don't mean the appearance of the band, as that can often lead to inane discussions about the representation and conveyance of their work. I mean their name. And how it looks on the cover of an album, in a really cool font. How the Justice's name is infinitely cooler because they spell "Justice" with a cross for the "t". Or how Tokyo Police Club sounds like the organization that Harrison Ford should have belonged to in Blade Runner. Nothing not awesome about that!
Without any further tardiness, I give to you the definitive list of Most Awesome Band Names Ever, in descending order of greatness.
Operation Ivy
The Soviettes
The Apples in Stereo
The Clash
LCD Soundsystem
Tokyo Police Club
Dropkick Murphys
Bouncing Souls
The Replacements
Rilo Kiley
Guided By Voices
Dance Hall Crashers
Method Man
The Pixies
Tegan and Sara
Wu-Tang Clan
Jurassic 5
But that only tells half the superficial story. Once a band picks out a killer name, the gauntlet is thrown down. With the weapon in hand (awesome band name, btw), what can they do with it? Can they live up to the name and the expectations it creates? Most of the time, no. Too often, good bands names are squandered by shitty bands that retroactively ruin the coolness of the name, forcing me to strike it down from the above list. Penn giveth and Penn taketh away. Just ask Widespread Panic. So here are the bands again, this time in descending order of their ability to live up to the cool name that they chose.
The Clash
Operation Ivy
The Replacements
The Pixies
Dropkick Murphys
The Apples in Stereo
The Soviettes
Bouncing Souls
Method Man
Tegan and Sara
LCD Soundsystem
Guided By Voices
Dance Hall Crashers
Rilo Kiley
Jurassic 5
Wu-Tang Clan
Tokyo Police Club
Tokyo Police Club takes the biggest hit in this whole affair cause you expect them to look like this:
But they really look like this:
While unable to live up to the awesomeness due to their whiteness and Canuckery, they still kind of rock.
On a final note, you can name your band after yourself (and your sister) if you are lucky enough to be blessed with the most amazing name in the history of the world, Tegan Quin and, you and your twin sister are both lesbians.
So if you fit those criteria, go nuts.
Psychological Experiment #1: I Rank All The Candies For Sale At The 7-11 Below My Office While Listening to Fugazi
I took inventory of most of the candies at 7-11 yesterday during my lunch break. I decided to rank them while listening to Fugazi. The rankings go from most awesome to least awesome. In about a month, I will rank them while listening to Vampire Weekend and will track the changes. My theory is that listening to Fugazi makes me hate fruity things and that listening to Vampire weekend will make the fruity things jump to the top of the list. It's all very scientific, so forgive me if I don't dumb it down too much. |
| Kit Kat |
| Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - Elvis Edition with Banana |
| Peanut M&M's |
| Reese's Peanut Butter Cups |
| Hershey's Chocolate Bar with Amonds |
| Twizzlers |
| Snickers |
| Haribo Gummi Bears |
| Starburst |
| Butterfinger |
| Reese's Pieces |
| Reese Sticks |
| Take 5 |
| Peanut Butter Take 5 Tier 2 |
| Sour Straws |
| Kit Kat Big Kat |
| Sour Patch Kids |
| Peanut Butter M&M's |
| Plain M&M's |
| Heath Bar |
| Payday |
| Twix |
| Nutrageous |
| Twix Peanut Butter |
| Whoppers |
| Hershey S'mores |
| Nestle Crunch |
| Fastbreak |
| Chunky |
| Skor |
| Chocolate Covered Payday |
| Charelston Chew |
| Whatchamcallit |
| Skittles |
| Dark Chocolate Snickers |
| Hershey's Chocolate Bar |
| Dark Chocolate M&M's The Bastard Candies |
| Baby Ruth |
| 3 Musketeers |
| Mars |
| Milky Way |
| Hershey's White Chocolate Bar |
| Almond Joy |
| Mounds |
| Rolo's |
| Caremelo |
| Hershey's Kisses |
| Jujy Fruits |
| York Peppermint Patty |
| Jujubees My conclusion is this: It's best not to try to do things when listening to Fugazi. |
Penn's Taxonomies of Food and Music
This article was written while the Author listens to Young Jeezy in preparation for tonight's concert. The Author doesn't believe this is particularly germane to the discussion below, but feels that it might add some levity to what would otherwise be a somewhat dry post. Look for Young Jeezy lyrics inserted through out the article. So, stop snitchin' and enjoy.
my muse
After both my Radiohead/Caviar post and the Hip-Hop/Fast food post, I began thinking about the compatibility of cuisine types and music genres. Strangely, it's a lot easier to compare a band with a dish than it would be a genre with a cuisine. Radiohead may be the musical equivalent of caviar, but what genre is the musical equivalent of diners? Does the founding premise of this website fall short when I try to examine both food and music from a more global perspective? With the economy and morale where it is, could the nation handle the possibility that the You Hear What You Eat system (previously established to be Penn's opinion) is fallible?
More importantly, if I discover that the system IS fallible and my comparisons are only apt in certain instances, do i have an obligation to sidestep the issue gracefully to provide stability and constancy for the sake of America? Torn in two directions by my phantom journalistic integrity and my phantom patriotism. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. (Note: Author does not sniff glue).
Without further dalliance, let us examine the cuisine types as provided by Citysearch.com. Donuts. Italian. Hot Dogs. Eclectic/International. Greek. Noodle Houses.
Everything I do, I do it for my hood....
Pretty straightforward stuff. Most cuisines are simply named after their country of origin. Failing a distinct country of origin, the descriptor falls to whatever the most prominent menu item is. Hot Dogs. Noodles. Even when it gets more convoluted, it's pretty straightforward. Asian-fusion. Bistro. Dim Sum. While the fare might be slightly more cryptic, one still probably knows what they are in for.
Then, you have names that are beholden to the concept and atmosphere, rather than the fare. Diner. Fast food. Deli. Family.
From the forty or so listing that Citysearch has, you can toss in your descriptors, which are sometimes specific to the cuisine and sometimes not. Greasy Spoon. Red Sauce. Regional. Gourmet. Dive.
So much white it'll hurt your eyes...
Components of these cuisines remain the same. Tastes may change, but the Italian restaurant isn't going to serve biscuits and gravy to reflect evolving tastes.
If only music was so easy. As genres evolve and devolve, music classification changes with them. It often seems the genres are steeped in uselessness due to one of three reasons:
(Note: In determining the efficacy of this system, I will use the following test: If I use the musical equivalent to describe to a friend the type of cuisine that I desire, would the friend tell me to shut up or call me a name?)
Bitch, get ya mind right...
Let's try this one out with my phantom friend. Let's call him Montecore, after Sigfried and Roy's tiger.
Penn: I'm hungry.
Montecore: Where do you want to eat?
Penn: I will eat anything as long as it is very popular and ephemerally embraced by our culture.
Outcome: Montecore, the person, mauls Penn.
So the parallel fails in the instance of pop music.
15 years ago, this country was ass-deep in Alternative music. Ironically, what started as a descriptor for music that ostensibly defied classification became co-opted by very mainstream bands and media that wanted to harness the power of the fringe to legitimize themselves. We are seeing this with the terms "indie" and "emo" right now. These terms are exactly as fleeting and meaningless as "alternative" was by the time Dishwalla and Counting Crows dug their talons into it. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. I feel strongly about this.
Flashlight in my eyes, muthafucka wants my registration...
How does this stack up in my restaurant-decision-conversation with Young Montecore?
Penn: I'm hungry.
Montecore: (licking the backs of his hands) Huh?
Penn: I said I'm hungry.
Montecore: Where would you like to dine?
Penn: I would like to eat something that defies classification. At an off-beat place that is different from all the places we normally eat.
Montecore: I would like to eat gazelle, so that totally works for me.
Outcome: Montecore delights in the idea of eating something different that deviates from the norm. Penn's ego and limbs remain intact. They eat at a place that incorporates different cuisines from different locales that reside on 34 degree north latitude line.
So one up and one down for the hopelessly vague musical genres. This may not prove to be the strongest stance I have ever taken on an issue.
Let's move on to the overly specific genres. Sophisti-pop? Shoegaze? Queercore? Hi-NRG? Ugh. Each of these genres consist of about 5 bands. In case you're curious, the bands that come to mind when I hear these genres are, respectively, Pinback, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Queers, and some crappy techno band I've never heard of before.
How does these over-classifications work in the culinary world?
Penn: I'm hungry.
Montecore: What kind of food do you want? I know this is going to sound crazy, but I could totally go for gazelle again!
Penn: I want southern food deconstructed with an urban gourmet sensibility. And I want to eat it in the gay part of town.
Montecore: I know a place like that!
Outcome: Penn and Montecore dine at Magnolia Tree, a soul food restaurant with one of the ten best wine lists in West Hollywood. They have a wonderful time.
You in the minor leagues, I'm a heavyweight
You try to sell your house, I own ya real estate...
Dining tastes are evolving to the point that concepts are becoming more and more specific, so the parallels between the extremely focused music descriptors and singular restaurant concepts are becoming more and more prevalent.
That leaves the third classification of music: those that the audiences project on the artists to label themselves rather than the music. World music. College rock. Gangster rap. World music is enjoyed by the Starbucks drinker who doesn't enjoy going to a second retail establishment, so they simply buy their CD's at Starbucks and pretend to be cosmopolitan. College rock is for people who are no longer comfortable admitting they like R.E.M or really wish that they had attended college. Both reasons are completely understandable. (Where do people who didn't go to college get turned on to college rock?) Gangster rap is for idiots and gangsters.
The above paragraph, like all my writing, is a gross oversimplification. There are people who genuinely like world music, though they will probably never get to see their favorite bands in concert. But the true believers are overshadowed by the douchebags who discuss fair trade coffee and conflict diamonds. And don't see the irony in sharing articles from Stuff White People Like. For every one true believer, there are 5 poseurs.
Are there true believers and poseurs when it comes to food and restaurants? Not really, but it's growing. It's still way easier to listen to a band you don't truly like than it is to eat a meal you don't truly like. But times are changing. People are throwing around words like locavore and organic because some people believe in the causes and some people want to be identified with them the same way idiots wear red kabbalah bracelets as fashion accessories.
I got my bankroll,
Sittin' on the corner like a lightpole
The point is, with both music and food, it doesn't really matter if people believe in the nuts and bolts of something. If they like the image, they will take it. Just like mixing a glass of red and white wine, everything turns pink and gets tainted or affected (depending on your POV).
Let us, once more, drop in on Montecore and Penn as they discuss their dining options.
Penn: I'm hungry.
Montecore: (Napping in the sun) Where would you care to dine?
Penn: I want to dine where the cool people dine.
Montecore: There's a macrobiotic place on Melrose that grows all their own food.
Penn: Wow. That's neat. i read about macrobiotic food in US Weekly!
Montecore: Celebrities! We're just like them!
Outcome: Penn and Montecore see the Olsen twins as they walk into their new restaurant find for a smart brunch.
Is this common? Do a lot of people feel this way when deciding where or what to eat? Not at all? But they will.
Unfortunately, not much. People are still much snottier about their music than their food. it can be seenin the light of people's projections, aspirations, and devotion to finding the "next big thing". This is happening in food culture more and more every day. People toss around terms like "molecular gastronomy" and palettes, the same way a record store clerk discusses noise rock. But it's still confined to the affluent, as eating obscure preparations of food from France requires a lot more money than listening to a progressive record by a band from France. And you can't steal the French food off the internet.
Was this entire article a misguided effort to find similarities were there aren't any? No. I didn't think the parallels would be there. I actually ended up finding more than I originally contemplated. And, in examining, found that food is moving closer to where music is (sophistication quickly becoming available to the masses).
Also, the parts with Montecore made me chuckle as I wrote them.
my museAfter both my Radiohead/Caviar post and the Hip-Hop/Fast food post, I began thinking about the compatibility of cuisine types and music genres. Strangely, it's a lot easier to compare a band with a dish than it would be a genre with a cuisine. Radiohead may be the musical equivalent of caviar, but what genre is the musical equivalent of diners? Does the founding premise of this website fall short when I try to examine both food and music from a more global perspective? With the economy and morale where it is, could the nation handle the possibility that the You Hear What You Eat system (previously established to be Penn's opinion) is fallible?
More importantly, if I discover that the system IS fallible and my comparisons are only apt in certain instances, do i have an obligation to sidestep the issue gracefully to provide stability and constancy for the sake of America? Torn in two directions by my phantom journalistic integrity and my phantom patriotism. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. (Note: Author does not sniff glue).
Without further dalliance, let us examine the cuisine types as provided by Citysearch.com. Donuts. Italian. Hot Dogs. Eclectic/International. Greek. Noodle Houses.
Everything I do, I do it for my hood....
Pretty straightforward stuff. Most cuisines are simply named after their country of origin. Failing a distinct country of origin, the descriptor falls to whatever the most prominent menu item is. Hot Dogs. Noodles. Even when it gets more convoluted, it's pretty straightforward. Asian-fusion. Bistro. Dim Sum. While the fare might be slightly more cryptic, one still probably knows what they are in for.
Then, you have names that are beholden to the concept and atmosphere, rather than the fare. Diner. Fast food. Deli. Family.
From the forty or so listing that Citysearch has, you can toss in your descriptors, which are sometimes specific to the cuisine and sometimes not. Greasy Spoon. Red Sauce. Regional. Gourmet. Dive.
So much white it'll hurt your eyes...
Components of these cuisines remain the same. Tastes may change, but the Italian restaurant isn't going to serve biscuits and gravy to reflect evolving tastes.
If only music was so easy. As genres evolve and devolve, music classification changes with them. It often seems the genres are steeped in uselessness due to one of three reasons:
- The genres are so specific that they do nothing to give a sense of context of the music.
- The genres are so vague that they do nothing to give a sense of context of the music.
- The genres are labeled to reflect the sensibilities of the listener, rather than the music.
(Note: In determining the efficacy of this system, I will use the following test: If I use the musical equivalent to describe to a friend the type of cuisine that I desire, would the friend tell me to shut up or call me a name?)
Bitch, get ya mind right...
Let's try this one out with my phantom friend. Let's call him Montecore, after Sigfried and Roy's tiger.
Penn: I'm hungry.
Montecore: Where do you want to eat?
Penn: I will eat anything as long as it is very popular and ephemerally embraced by our culture.
Outcome: Montecore, the person, mauls Penn.
So the parallel fails in the instance of pop music.
15 years ago, this country was ass-deep in Alternative music. Ironically, what started as a descriptor for music that ostensibly defied classification became co-opted by very mainstream bands and media that wanted to harness the power of the fringe to legitimize themselves. We are seeing this with the terms "indie" and "emo" right now. These terms are exactly as fleeting and meaningless as "alternative" was by the time Dishwalla and Counting Crows dug their talons into it. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. I feel strongly about this.
Flashlight in my eyes, muthafucka wants my registration...
How does this stack up in my restaurant-decision-conversation with Young Montecore?
Penn: I'm hungry.
Montecore: (licking the backs of his hands) Huh?
Penn: I said I'm hungry.
Montecore: Where would you like to dine?
Penn: I would like to eat something that defies classification. At an off-beat place that is different from all the places we normally eat.
Montecore: I would like to eat gazelle, so that totally works for me.
Outcome: Montecore delights in the idea of eating something different that deviates from the norm. Penn's ego and limbs remain intact. They eat at a place that incorporates different cuisines from different locales that reside on 34 degree north latitude line.
So one up and one down for the hopelessly vague musical genres. This may not prove to be the strongest stance I have ever taken on an issue.
Let's move on to the overly specific genres. Sophisti-pop? Shoegaze? Queercore? Hi-NRG? Ugh. Each of these genres consist of about 5 bands. In case you're curious, the bands that come to mind when I hear these genres are, respectively, Pinback, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Queers, and some crappy techno band I've never heard of before.
How does these over-classifications work in the culinary world?
Penn: I'm hungry.
Montecore: What kind of food do you want? I know this is going to sound crazy, but I could totally go for gazelle again!
Penn: I want southern food deconstructed with an urban gourmet sensibility. And I want to eat it in the gay part of town.
Montecore: I know a place like that!
Outcome: Penn and Montecore dine at Magnolia Tree, a soul food restaurant with one of the ten best wine lists in West Hollywood. They have a wonderful time.
You in the minor leagues, I'm a heavyweight
You try to sell your house, I own ya real estate...
Dining tastes are evolving to the point that concepts are becoming more and more specific, so the parallels between the extremely focused music descriptors and singular restaurant concepts are becoming more and more prevalent.
That leaves the third classification of music: those that the audiences project on the artists to label themselves rather than the music. World music. College rock. Gangster rap. World music is enjoyed by the Starbucks drinker who doesn't enjoy going to a second retail establishment, so they simply buy their CD's at Starbucks and pretend to be cosmopolitan. College rock is for people who are no longer comfortable admitting they like R.E.M or really wish that they had attended college. Both reasons are completely understandable. (Where do people who didn't go to college get turned on to college rock?) Gangster rap is for idiots and gangsters.
The above paragraph, like all my writing, is a gross oversimplification. There are people who genuinely like world music, though they will probably never get to see their favorite bands in concert. But the true believers are overshadowed by the douchebags who discuss fair trade coffee and conflict diamonds. And don't see the irony in sharing articles from Stuff White People Like. For every one true believer, there are 5 poseurs.
Are there true believers and poseurs when it comes to food and restaurants? Not really, but it's growing. It's still way easier to listen to a band you don't truly like than it is to eat a meal you don't truly like. But times are changing. People are throwing around words like locavore and organic because some people believe in the causes and some people want to be identified with them the same way idiots wear red kabbalah bracelets as fashion accessories.
I got my bankroll,
Sittin' on the corner like a lightpole
The point is, with both music and food, it doesn't really matter if people believe in the nuts and bolts of something. If they like the image, they will take it. Just like mixing a glass of red and white wine, everything turns pink and gets tainted or affected (depending on your POV).
Let us, once more, drop in on Montecore and Penn as they discuss their dining options.
Penn: I'm hungry.
Montecore: (Napping in the sun) Where would you care to dine?
Penn: I want to dine where the cool people dine.
Montecore: There's a macrobiotic place on Melrose that grows all their own food.
Penn: Wow. That's neat. i read about macrobiotic food in US Weekly!
Montecore: Celebrities! We're just like them!
Outcome: Penn and Montecore see the Olsen twins as they walk into their new restaurant find for a smart brunch.
Is this common? Do a lot of people feel this way when deciding where or what to eat? Not at all? But they will.
What does it all mean?
Unfortunately, not much. People are still much snottier about their music than their food. it can be seenin the light of people's projections, aspirations, and devotion to finding the "next big thing". This is happening in food culture more and more every day. People toss around terms like "molecular gastronomy" and palettes, the same way a record store clerk discusses noise rock. But it's still confined to the affluent, as eating obscure preparations of food from France requires a lot more money than listening to a progressive record by a band from France. And you can't steal the French food off the internet.
Was this entire article a misguided effort to find similarities were there aren't any? No. I didn't think the parallels would be there. I actually ended up finding more than I originally contemplated. And, in examining, found that food is moving closer to where music is (sophistication quickly becoming available to the masses).
Also, the parts with Montecore made me chuckle as I wrote them.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Best Hip-Hop Halfway Through 2008
The Rap Up offers a pretty interesting (and educational if you're like me and not too up on hip-hop) look at the first half of 2008. Time to brush up on some artists.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Fast Food Bands! Yay!
I've had a couple of brief conversations off-line (sad that I need to make that delineation) about my system for comparing bands to food. A couple questions I've received:
- Is it about luxury?
- Is it about the connotations of the taste or experience?
- Why do you base one comparison on something experiential, then go right ahead and compare another band based on public perception, then compare a third band to a food based the nature of the food's taste?
There is no system and their never was. The system is hunch-based and can never be proven or disproven. But the null hypothesis is that I have blog and you probably don't, so if you want to disprove my hunches, go right ahead, but no one will ever know about it. It's a long null hypothesis.
We've established what bands are the chicken of the culinary world, so now let us foray into the world of quick-service restaurants. Fast Food.
Before we get into the bands, let's establish the utility and benefits of fast food (thanks Jeremy Bentham!). Before we identify the utility and benefits of fast food, let's define fast food. When I say fast food, I mean chains, normally with drive-thru's, but not always. So Sbarro lives to fight another day. And I don't mean the good chains. Like In-N-Out Burger, Whataburger, Taco Cabana, even Chipotle. These places are exceptional fast-food restaurants in that they are frequently devoid of shame and fatties. Except for Whataburger. Whataburger has a lot of fatties. They all use relatively fresh ingredients and are places at which I could see myself going out of my way, albeit not very far, to dine.
I'm talking about places to which you either are or feel, relegated . I use the word "relegated" in this blog fairly frequently because I think it's endemic of what's wrong with American dining. It's not an issue of health, but an issue of apathy. Diet Coke, American Cheese, fries with every meal, people who don't want to think, but just want to put crap in their body that can taste good but is just...boring.
Getting back to my point about utility, I think these boring chain restaurants (McDonald's, Taco Bell, and their ilk) serve a purpose. They are a good place to eat when you have no other options. If you are out of time, or need a place nearby, you can always go to McDonald's. It can even be a unique, interesting experience if one goes infrequently enough. And oh, the eye candy!
But they aren't anyone's favorite restaurants, except for little kids and older folks who have all but thrown in the towel in the game of life.
So why do people eat at them so often? I heard once (don't know if it's true) that McDonald's served 1 out of 3 breakfasts in the United States. Ugh. I guess I understand that when you are on your way to work, you aren't exploring new dining options. But for lunch? Or dinner? Why wouldn't your favorite restaurant be the one at which you dine most frequently? Cause you're lazy. Or you simply can't afford your favorite foods all the time. That's why. And I am too. Though I don't eat much fast food in the traditional sense, I get a lot of food delivered, even if it isn't my favorite. Which is a pretty awesome sign of laziness.
Let's see if I can tie this pontification into a cogent discussion of music in the same vein.
So let's see: Easy, ephemeral, ultimately unsatisfying. Instinctively, I would go with hip-hop. Hip-hop may have changed the world, but it was the collective effort of (largely) disposable artists. It was the culture as a whole the affected change, rather than the work or a small group of artists. While it could be said that McDonald's singlehandedly created its landscape in the same vein as the pioneers of hip-hop created theirs, both those happened a while ago. Let's get more current for the sake of discussion and salvaging my argument.
15 years ago, I was 13. And I was making 13 year-old money. As such, I had to perform triage every time I stepped into a record store. While I would splurge for the occasional album, for every one of those, I would purchase cassette singles to get the most bang for my $2.99. And if I hadn't burned those incriminating singles years ago, you would have found the absolute dregs of pop "music". Weird Al, Quad City DJ's, late-era Michael Jackson, Wreckx-n-Effect's "Rump Shaker" (which was actually the first popular song penned by Pharrell).
Hip-hop has been a genre geared toward the single, rather than the album, which makes for a breeding ground of one-hit wonders that disappear from the popular consciousness while they are still embedding themselves in it. The amount of rap represented in my singles collection was way higher than it was in my album collection. Cause I wanted something I could digest and move past fairly painlessly. Granted, I could have done the same thing with other pop genres, but the filler on rap albums has always lent the genre to being the most single-friendly.
Easy? It was played on the radio all the time. I didn't have to hurt myself gaining awareness of Positive K. He was just kinda there, not unlike fast food. Ephemeral? Uhhh, yeah. The guy from Quad City DJ's was vacuuming my carpets at the car wash last week. Ultimately unsatisfying? I guess so, cause I didn't tip the Quad City DJ's guy at the car wash.
Could this argument be made for several other genres of music? Yes, it could. I understand that trafficking in these generalizations is shaky ground. And I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that there are myriad hip-hop artists that transcend these generalization to make music that is quite special. But further to my point, rap has become so commoditized that a list of items goes into a rap single or album the same way the same list of items constitute 90% of all fast food menus. Guest rapper du jour? Yup. Big name producer? Yes. Diamond jewelry that deserves more attention than the lyrics? Check. Droning, mindless beat? Normally.
Popular? More than anything else that's out there.
Rage and Frustration
After reading my slam on Coldblah last week, my girlfriend approached me with, "Oh, that's right. They have a new album out. Can you download it for me?". Awesome.
I'll download it, but I'm not paying for it.
Sorry for slacking the past few days. I will get a post up tonight before the (?) The Hold Steady concert. Now that's a band you can set your watch to, as Abe Simpson would say.
God smiles on you. No, not you. Her.
I'll download it, but I'm not paying for it.
Sorry for slacking the past few days. I will get a post up tonight before the (?) The Hold Steady concert. Now that's a band you can set your watch to, as Abe Simpson would say.
God smiles on you. No, not you. Her.
Friday, August 1, 2008
White Castle Hamburgers: Shit or Crap?
Nostalgia is a fickle mistress. Well, not really, but it's kinda funny. Nostalgia is the saving grace of many awful, awful things. Such as:
Chefs have come to this realization fairly recently, and the phenomenon has spread rapidly. Probably due to the playful nature of the dishes at the French Laundry, where Thomas Keller has been putting sophisticated spins on dishes such as macaroni and cheese, coffee and donuts, and the cherished ice cream cone.
Now you know what I'm talking about. You can't swing a dead midget without having his or her corpse slam into some upscale steakhouse serving some twist on macaroni and cheese. Or grilled cheese and tomato soup. Or Kripsy Kreme, which just sounds nostalgic. Or s'mores. Or sliders. Sliders are everywhere.
[Segue]
Which slams us right into White Castle. White Castle is in almost every sense, charming. The "architecture" of their establishments, their thinly-veiled targeting of inbreds, their tiny little boxes, the way they make their staff dress like jackasses. It's like Johnny Rocket's for mouthbreathers. So these guys have HUGE nostalgia potential. And they better ride that nostalgia wave till it breaks, cause their food is absolute dogshit. They steam their hamburgers! And they're not even smart enough to hide that fact.
Here is how White Castle works on the supply side. They know they are serving "people who don't have a lot of disposable income". I'm guessing this had to do with some sort of beef or money shortage during The Great War, but I'm not sure, cause wikipedia didn't address this.
Anyway, you make the burgers small so that Rosie the Riveter and draft dodgers can fill up on bread while still being able to tell their other poor friends that they lived it up and went out for "hamburgers". Huge margins in bread. Touche, White Castle.
But that wasn't good enough. They had to continue to cut costs at every opportunity. Hire skilled labor that is able to turn over a hamburger after 12 seconds of cooking on it's 14 square millimeter surface area? Nope, too difficult. Let's poke holes in the burgers and cover them up so that they grill on one side and steam on the other. All the while robbing their indigent, rube customers of the precious, precious meat that was poked out and probably fed to a pig they stuff under their garbage disposal.
And their fries taste like fries I made when I was 12. In the oven. With a crippling head injury. Now THAT'S nostalgia!
Anyway, White Castle has increased its sales to 500 million. Up from 40 million in 1945. Not accounting for population growth, this clearly indicates that nostalgia is a force 12.5x more powerful than ignorance. If we could harness that power, we wouldn't need to drill in the wilderness for oil. But we probably would.
White Castle also probably got a free ride from the whole "Harold and Kumar" thing. Which is ironic. The whole premise of the film and its marketing campaign is that two stoners are making a poor dining decision because they are high on marijuana. Terrific stuff, guys. Other awesome ideas stoned people have:
Yes, We Can!
- Baseball played at any level
- 80's rock bands
- Bell bottoms
- Visiting your old high school
- Stupid ex-girlfriends
- Adults at Disneyland
- Rick Reilly sports columns
Chefs have come to this realization fairly recently, and the phenomenon has spread rapidly. Probably due to the playful nature of the dishes at the French Laundry, where Thomas Keller has been putting sophisticated spins on dishes such as macaroni and cheese, coffee and donuts, and the cherished ice cream cone.
Now you know what I'm talking about. You can't swing a dead midget without having his or her corpse slam into some upscale steakhouse serving some twist on macaroni and cheese. Or grilled cheese and tomato soup. Or Kripsy Kreme, which just sounds nostalgic. Or s'mores. Or sliders. Sliders are everywhere.
[Segue]
Which slams us right into White Castle. White Castle is in almost every sense, charming. The "architecture" of their establishments, their thinly-veiled targeting of inbreds, their tiny little boxes, the way they make their staff dress like jackasses. It's like Johnny Rocket's for mouthbreathers. So these guys have HUGE nostalgia potential. And they better ride that nostalgia wave till it breaks, cause their food is absolute dogshit. They steam their hamburgers! And they're not even smart enough to hide that fact.
Here is how White Castle works on the supply side. They know they are serving "people who don't have a lot of disposable income". I'm guessing this had to do with some sort of beef or money shortage during The Great War, but I'm not sure, cause wikipedia didn't address this.
Anyway, you make the burgers small so that Rosie the Riveter and draft dodgers can fill up on bread while still being able to tell their other poor friends that they lived it up and went out for "hamburgers". Huge margins in bread. Touche, White Castle.
But that wasn't good enough. They had to continue to cut costs at every opportunity. Hire skilled labor that is able to turn over a hamburger after 12 seconds of cooking on it's 14 square millimeter surface area? Nope, too difficult. Let's poke holes in the burgers and cover them up so that they grill on one side and steam on the other. All the while robbing their indigent, rube customers of the precious, precious meat that was poked out and probably fed to a pig they stuff under their garbage disposal.
And their fries taste like fries I made when I was 12. In the oven. With a crippling head injury. Now THAT'S nostalgia!
Anyway, White Castle has increased its sales to 500 million. Up from 40 million in 1945. Not accounting for population growth, this clearly indicates that nostalgia is a force 12.5x more powerful than ignorance. If we could harness that power, we wouldn't need to drill in the wilderness for oil. But we probably would.
White Castle also probably got a free ride from the whole "Harold and Kumar" thing. Which is ironic. The whole premise of the film and its marketing campaign is that two stoners are making a poor dining decision because they are high on marijuana. Terrific stuff, guys. Other awesome ideas stoned people have:
- Jam bands
- Frisbee golf
- Watching American versions of Japanese game shows
- Taco Bell
Yes, We Can!
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